Can others bring the worse in Us?
I am not sure if circumstances bring the worse in me, or maybe I am full of anger and need an excuse for all that frustration and irritation to come out.
My blood boils when people do not assume responsibility for their actions and
Photo courtesy - Neha Diwan (Artist)
Are we looking for unhappiness, or are we pursuing happiness incorrectly?
Why do we think that making circumstances better will bring happiness? We feel happiness in career advancement or acquiring a powerful position or approval from the society or dominating a relationship, but according to me, none of the above is constant and requires so much tedious effort to maintain the present status.
"When love is absent in the marriage or family then nothing can fill this void."
If we feel we do not belong anywhere or we live among the incompatible people, then our living is merely the survival, and on the deathbed, we might think that we lived a futile life. It's not easy to question the ways of society.
"We intend to control our lives and also the life of people we love."
now if love is your reason to live, then we cant keep the account of gives and takes. Its depth is so much that it takes me to the extreme levels to pursue it; the world doesn't matter to me whenever the lover is in view. I guess that kind of intensity and transparency bring real happiness when we genuinely feel connected to someone at the deeper level, which is beyond the worldly calculations.
Happiness differs for each individual, you just have to find yours
"People will not understand your worth until they see the world. Unfortunately, our value is calculated in comparison to others." It's so unfair, but what can we expect from the people who lack the exposure! "
A person who has no-one might consider any stupid person to escape this loneliness and this becomes the root cause of all of their problems because when we give someone power to influence us. That other person takes advantage of this, and then this crushed are confidence and self-respect. Once we are convinced that we don't deserve anyone better and have no Self-Worth then the world highlights our vulnerabilities, and this makes the matters even worse for us, and lastly, we become a hopeless case.
"I wonder how many of us actually know that we are stuck in a bad relationship because we can't wait."
I am not sure if we all do it consciously or unconsciously, but we do compare our past relationships with the present ones, we even choose between friends and prefer the company of individuals. The extent of freedom, right to privacy, patience, selflessness and other factors are considered in this evaluation.
Others fill the void left by one person, and we carry on relationships, one after the other, irrespective of knowing what I want from these Relations. Can't we ask ourselves if we wish emotional dependence or physical satisfaction or want to escape our loneliness? Reason to get into a relationship is way more important than the compatibility itself.
A friendship can't be compared to a relationship with future prospects, and a lifetime obligation will always have more restrictions and expectations. Deep down, we all want to mould things as per our convenience. When permanent relations go foul, then we move towards temporary ones for emotional support, and thereby we commit an even greater mistake of becoming dependent on others because it hinders our self-growth and ruins our confidence in the long run.
"Source of sorting your every conflict is within, stop searching outside."
" We all want our souls to be released from the cage, raw heart to be touched and blunt emotions to flow naturally, this is what we live for, and also this is what I can die for "
Emotions can't be a line drawn with a ruler but a freehand drawing which can bend and take weird shapes, that's the best part of it. Emotions are supposed to be rough, untamed and grow like wild weeds and flow like a waterfall so natural and without contamination and deterioration, uttered in the raw form!
The uninterrupted release of this very thing makes me feel that I am alive and Full of life
Such is the society where we live that every human is put under so much pressure to prove his worth. It's as if people who are not financially stable have no right to live or people chasing difficult dreams like becoming a poet or a comedian or a writer are nothing but fools who are escaping their responsibilities." I do not accept the world the way it is and I am too small to change it the way it should be'
Then I listen to so many hypocrites talking about creative freedom but where is this Utopian society where "a person is seen as a Human and not as an investment"
Well in the end what matters is if the person is alive or not! and the other important thing is how that person leaves us.
Emotional outburst helps in such cases because I feel its natural to dwell anger when we are facing some extremely difficult circumstances and if this hatred is clogged within for long then it will erupt like a volcano and this lava will affect everyone around but once it is out then the sufferer feels good. Sometimes even I tell worries to the strangers in the hospitals, this is very useful because telling it to a living soul is way better than writing in a diary, sharing eases the pressure and burden.
Death will come to all but if you have to witness a painful death then that leaves a long-lasting impression on your life. After that, you can't sleepwalk through life !
today my brother told me that his friend is ending her life, so I want to imagine what her state must be that she arrived at such a decision. All my life I have known people who cling on to their last breath or any ray of hope but I am yet to meet someone who will say enough is enough and I want to leave this earth today! In my opinion, this is the sign of courage, once a doctor told me that "Quality of life is way more important than quantity" so if living has become a burden then there is no harm in saying bye-bye to this world. With utmost sincerity "I will do the same if I am given a choice"
Because calculative Love will never understand the madness, obsession and the tendency to sink deep in love and create the world around one person ! I understand the aggression and frustrations when your world is taken from you and LOVE is a very strong force that drives so many of us ! A single moment of weakness is enough to burst the volcano of suppressed memories and the surety that I am moving on vanishes within seconds. What do you expect from a guy whose inner turmoil is beyond his control !
"For some of us 'LOVE' is the only reason to live and this is beyond understanding for the people who live for ambitious pursuits".
God Bless the souls of people who highlight my delusions !
Some people die actual death and some die from within and rest of you all continue to live, so imagine the plight of the one dying from inside, wouldn't he want to know what is keeping you all Alive ?
Buddha who specifically said "if u meet me on the way Kill me" which means do not allow Buddha to become a hurdle in your spiritual growth. It hurts me to see that Buddhism is founded contrary to the teachings of Buddha.
"What appears outside may or may not be always true" !
I guess certain forms of self-destruction may not be visible and might still damage our inner self. During my endless conversation about life and people, my friend pointed out that a person can smile and appear happy from outside but can be suffering from depression. I think it is a valid point; we never want to expose our vulnerabilities to the world, so we pretend that everything is fine even though we are battling with this sinking feeling beneath.
It's natural to rage war against the world when you are wounded but are we in our senses to understand that we are inflicting pain on ourselves for making the wrong choices. 'Destructive Emotions' is the term coined by Daniel Goleman which can describe our present state of mind
My circle of life will only complete if I learn the things I am here to learn, be it controlling my sex power or changing my attitude towards life. Things will revolve around these factors until I learn. Everyday I expect something new from experience, and sometimes I want the universe to reciprocate my feelings, other times, I want to explore my blindspots, then I want to jump to relationship issues. I mean there are billion of issues to sort out, and this one life is not enough to go through all of this and still say sane. Maybe I am on the brink of madness, not only I am waiting for it to happen but instead I am pushing myself to go in that direction, what do you call it if not silent self-destruction, like killing yourself slowly without letting others know about your real intent!
We are stuck between cultures !
While reading two books simultaneously about two exactly opposite worlds, I realized that India is stuck between them
The first book is 'Celestial Bodies' by Jokha Alharti (Man Booker winner) about the culture where girls have no say in their marriage.
The second is "Valencia' by Michelle Tea, a memoir in which she casually decides to become a prostitute one day and can easily pursue a same-gender relationship and also hop from one relationship to another with ease.
Indian culture is very different from western and as well as from this Arabic or Muslim Culture, We have LIMITED FREEDOM, most of us can choose life partners but the decision is not entirely ours, the family will always interfere and give their verdict. I guess the reputation of a guy is tainted after one or two failed relationships.
Image credit -Theresa Walstra(Wellness universe)
I strongly feel today that there is no point resisting the change, people will come & go and things will never stay the same. We can't spend our life hopping from one worry to another, I guess there is a reason why we are not given the power to undo past so that we can realize the importance of awareness in the present. If your life is a result of random decisions then you need to consider your choices again.
I will not pretend that I have understood 'Total Surrender', sorry not there yet! but somehow I have the sight of Partial Surrender which means accepting what I can't change, which includes changes I expect from myself like accepting the situations forced on me by the Universe! Although I am not sure if there is a hand of God in that.
Secondly, what I don't understand is why I am trying too hard to get rid of the darkness within me, not sure if I can accept that side of me and is it possible to accept the unjust and inappropriate behaviour of the people.
"It's difficult to be kind to the person who taints your reputation".
so we should just drop our guard and let the universe hit us !!! This part of surrender is not acceptable to me and I feel the need to protect myself from the such harm. i am in no state to let others destroy me!
"Will I be able to make my life meaningful? "
Its easy to sleepwalk thorugh Life but its very difficult to keep this in your mind that you will perish one day and live with this thought
"Read and share your genuine experiences with the people around you and me because, in my opinion, that is the only I know to create a better environment where our Souls can Flourish and attain Higher Consciousness. "
"Living with unmet needs is challenging and brings so much of emotional pressure and physical too that it increases the probability to slip into inappropriate Relationship "
"Well this is worth thinking about that why are people leaving us or why are we throwing people out of our life."
Unfortunately, Sigmund Freud is not alive else he would have invented a new term 'Virtual Image Complex’, I guess the foundation of this social networking is our urge to present our best to the world. The question we need to ask ourselves ‘is this the Real ME’ or is it the image of someone who fits in the society quite well. Why are we afraid to accept that we are a 'MISFIT.'
"While human beings are great deceivers of others; they are even more adept at self-deception,” said Sigmund Freud
We all hide behind some mask or the other while reading the book ‘a fine family’ the writer Gurcharan Das pointed out a 'Mask of spirituality’ which is troubling me ever since that what if I have such mask? Just because I am not Ambitious doesn’t necessarily mean I am spiritual. Living unattached life and developing genuine relations only, is the core of spirituality according to me, I guess I am on this path.
Why do we make friends? As I like to shake my soul every day, so I often ask myself such questions. I get answers like maybe I am afraid to be alone or embarrassed to go the movies alone, so I dare myself to do all these things before coming to any conclusion! I do not mind roaming alone; in fact, it's better than to be with a convenient company. What is the point of having a physical form around you who is lost in his world and doesn't understand a single thing you say! Most of us are suffering from some complex or the other
"People who feel superior like to hang with the people beneath them; on the other hand, people with inferiority complex constantly ask for the approval of others."
Genuine conversations happen only when real emotions can flow between people; sharing of heartfelt feelings is the actual reason we crave for another individual. The urge to tell someone about the unfair things that are happening to you or destructive thoughts that cloud your judgement is one of the many reasons I reach out to the people. I don't know your reason, but I guess its wise to ask yourself such questions, it's the first step to know about the cunningness within you. Because I have seen people become close to the people around them, the later discard them when they move to the new place. This reminds me of the book 'Diary of a Sociopath', frequently changing friends is a sickness or may be a symptom that we are living in our delusions! If we continue to affect the people around us, then eventually it will affect our emotional stability, it's easy to blame the world, but it is tough to see our faults.
"The way we live defines the world around us."
"If u will consider what others might say before doing anything then you can never 'Live freely' & you will end up imposing so many Restrictions "
I speak against these Self-imposed restrictions because they cripple your decision-making skills and overpower your fear! Life will be chaos if we have to consider so many factors !!
"Image courtesy - Wassem Asaad
“We can't refute that most of our relationships are based on the ‘calculations’ we do to maintain the depth and intensity of that relationship.”
People do not want to move out of their comfort zone, so they start keeping track of the things they DO, on the request of others. I am not saying it's intentional, may its the Defence Mechanism of our mind or maybe its because of our tainted upbringing. The reason is different for every individual, but we all must find our reasons for such behaviour else we might lose all the people we care for !!
It's not fair to maintain relationships as per our 'OWN CONVENIENCE' or to go things SUITABLE to us. In my opinion, our connection with another Human is our crucial source to shake our thoughts because our selfishness may not be visible to us, but others might point it out. Probably 'Selfless Relationships' will exist in utopia but if we can at least be Transparent about our thoughts and follow the high moral values of our soul, we will create an aura where peaceful living is possible.
Life is dynamic and so is our connection with the universe and we need to be aware of every word that comes out our mouth and every step we take, to not to disturb the balance of people around us.
As always I try my level best to touch the soul of other spiritual people, even on marriages and other social gatherings I take the initiative to talk to people, because that’s the only way I know for my personal growth and emotional stability, people mostly tell me about their genuine feelings and dilemma’s and I vent my worries and questions to these strangers. I want people to be blunt and speak the truth; otherwise, it is not meaningful.
“People underestimate the change I want within me, every day I question customs, social norms, career, marriage, physical needs, fake relations & many more” Spirituality according to me is the sensitivity of the soul, I want to break all the restrictions imposed on me by the society. I am tired of being told, “what to do & how to do it”… I want to free my soul from worries like (what others will think about me). Now I want to follow my heart to reach to as many people as possible, irrespective of gender, location and age difference. I guess its time for me to increase the pace of my transformation, as people pointed out that I will evolve just like the rest of us. I will continue to be like this, as long as I am not affecting another soul, because that will disturb the balance of the environment around me and I might sink in my cocoon again, no doubt solitude can help me in revealing the layers of jealousy, hatred that I have harboured over the years because of my limited understanding of all the experiences that occurred in my life. But to see the profoundness, I need people to share their enlightenment.
“It's not easy to see the futility of the things when the entire world is doing it !!
I try not to be offended if the other person does not reciprocate the feeling, because not everyone during these events is interested in a serious talk about the “Meaning of Life” or “Why to Live”, but even if one person respond I feel the contentment, and it encourages me to go on a larger scale because I am trying to create transparent world around where people can talk without any hesitation and obstacles in their mind. I do not want anybody to wear the mask of happiness even if they are sulking from Inside. I guess it feels better to express your Emotions at that particular moment rather than repressing it for a later release, probably later you might create a bubble which might burst any minute and which might do more harm.
When a family collaborate with the family of the same ‘class and religion’ for the benefit of both the families, what do we call it Merger or Marriage?
Almost every couple who had fallen in love are supposed to hear this from their parents at least once or many times during their lifetime, depending on the psyche of their parents. They say “love is not enough; we have to live in society, love will fade away”. But what's the actual reason that they are so anti against love marriages
Probably its because that we are unable to accept the decisions taken by other, parents who created and nourished their kids, wish to choose the spouse for them. Because their experience of the world is greater.
On the other hand, youngsters want to make their own decisions because it's their life. They should be allowed to learn from their own mistakes and grow mature. Maturity doesn’t come with age; instead, it comes with learning.
"Whenever two individuals decide to enter into a relationship, they must consider that they might have to go against their family for the conversion of this love into marriage."
I don't understand why people take this marriage decision so lightly, for me, it is a crucial decision of my life. Career is given so much importance.
"What matters more, my package or the love and respect of the person sleeping next to me."
I can't imagine my life living with a person I don't love, well this so-called financial stability is required for the family which is to be done out of 'love' and not as an obligation. We all have to work on our emotional growth to maintain a healthy relationship with our life partner. Being Successful is not an excuse for your inability to express love and care for the person who matters most in your life.
"Marriage is not an arrangement between the two individuals but a union of two souls to raise a few more souls."
it is not a factory for the continuity of your family name or a process of making a baby who will support you in your old age.
Why the hell this entire world is making it so difficult for me to express my feelings, I am a human and I feel concern, affection, anger, frustration and regret.
"Love is lunacy and an ailment with no cure,And I don't want it anymore
All those years we spent together,You said you will be with me forever
I did the best I could,Still your family thought our love was impure.
I bent my knee to them and asked for their blessingsStill they said it's not originated from the core.
I put everything I had on the stake,Then u pointed out that u did all the sacrifice
Maybe I was delusional, it was not as it seems,Now you want me to forget you like bad dreams
I wish I had the power to transform my lifeAnd give myself another chance
But once dreams are shattered,And thoughts are cluttered
It's hard to gather the courage to jump again and I feel I have nothing to offerI firmly believe that another soul with me will only suffer
Wounds may heal but will surely leave the mark,Deep down I know life with me is too dark
Maybe moving on is not my nature,This is my destiny and that’s how I will suffer
Love does not happen with calculations and everyone does not experience its creationSome are entitled to become the victim of its destruction
Love is contagious, a sickness with no cure,And I seriously don’t want it anymore